Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
