i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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