So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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