if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
