was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
