Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
