new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
