We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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