People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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