I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
