So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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