Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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