Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
