It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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