he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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