At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
