Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
