But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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