you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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