my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
