something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
