I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
