the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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