I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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