So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
