She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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