alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
