ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize