Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
