we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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