Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
