I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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