Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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