There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
