I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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