I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them