Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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