Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
