We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
