You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
