what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We need a shit load of segways right now
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
