If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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