I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
