a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
