We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
