In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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