it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
