marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
