Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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