I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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