I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
