If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
should my penis look like a turkey
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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