ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
