dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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