you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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