There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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