Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
