Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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