a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
