first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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