so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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