U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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