Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
