haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
