And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
