It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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