mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
