The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
