We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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