I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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