you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
