I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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