I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
