yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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