How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
